Tha Alkaholiks - Coast II Coast (February 28, 1995)

Tha Alkaholiks were coming off of their critically acclaimed (but not especially financially successful) debut 21 & Over, and were looking to expand their sound, scope, and audience, all while keeping with their party vibe and better-than-average lyrical skills. To do so, they looked in the direction of the East Coast: on their second album Coast II Coast, the talents of Q-Tip and producer extraordinaire Diamond D are tapped, while King Tee and Xzibit are made available to represent the West. Tha Liks were poised for breakout success, as the mighty Loud Records poured their all into promoting this album; unfortunately, a kiddie act who called themselves Mobb Deep would see their seminal "debut" The Infamous hit the streets less than two months after Coast II Coast, and the marketing budget would be shifted to the newer disc.

Damn shame, that.

1. WLIX (FEAT DECLAIME, MADLIB, & WILDCHILD)
This is really just a glorified album intro, but since it features actual rhyming, it gets a pass. Great job sneaking Lootpack onto a mainstream release, by the way.

2. READ MY LIPS
Tash is still one of my favorite underrated emcees. This song still knocks today.

3. LET IT OUT
Rocks the same Enter The Dragon sample as Scarface's "Game Over", but this song is fucking great. The hypnotic beat engages your mind, and you kinda wish that Jeru's video for "Ya Playin' Yaself" was actually made for this song.

4. 21 AND UNDER
In an effort to sound a little bit more socially conscious, Tha Liks present a song about the dangers of underage drinking. Instead of choosing the preachy message route, Tash and J-Ro decide to stick with the storytelling format, and because of that, this song succeeds.

5. ALL THE WAY LIVE (FEAT KING TEE & Q-TIP)
Always appreciate a Q-Tip guest shot, but the song as a whole is only okay. Erick Sermon was supposed to be on here, but was replaced with Tip after Tha Liks realized that he reused lyrics from another song. I understand the reason for the switch, but considering that these days rappers reuse lyrics every goddamn day, what would the harm have been in keeping him?

6. HIT AND RUN (FEAT XZIBIT)
Yes, kids, Xzibit did other things before MTV and the acting career took hold. Xzibit's musical output was at its pinnacle during his time as part of the Likwit Crew. It made me sad when he defected to Aftermath's stable and effectively terminated the careers of Tha Liks by refusing to include them on every X-Z album after Restless.

7. DAAAM! (FEAT KING TEE)
Still sounds as playful as ever.

8. 2014
The beat kinda sounds like Biggie's "Long Kiss Goodnight", but, just like with that previously mentioned Scarface song, Tha Liks did it first, and arguably did it best. This J-Ro solo shot proves that, while Ro isn't Tash on the mic, he's more than capable of handling a song by himself.

9. BOTTOMS UP (FEAT KING TEE)
Not great.

10. FLASHBACK (FEAT BABY BUBBAS & XZIBIT)
Successfully gives off that party vibe that Tha Liks are known for. However, this song is very meh.

11. THE NEXT LEVEL (FEAT DIAMOND D & LIL' RO)
One of the best 'last tracks on a rap album' that I have ever heard. This song rocks! It's so good, you'll want to check out some of Diamond D's other work after you hear this.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Coast II Coast is an enjoyable sophomore effort in a musical genre known for instant gratification and the need for radio singles. While none of the songs presented here would ever be played on the radio again, they still deserve your full attention. Tash, J-Ro, and E-Swift continue to establish themselves as hard-partying, fun-loving West Coast artists who aren't afraid to branch out in the name of musical progression.

BUY OR BURN? I would definitely recommend a purchase. As an added bonus, you can probably find it for pretty cheap these days. Don't hesitate; buy it today!

BEST TRACKS: "The Next Level"; "Read My Lips"; "Daaam!"; "Let It Out"

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
Tha Alkaholiks - 21 & Over

Drink Coasters: Bulworth (The Soundtrack) (April 21, 1998)

As if Hollywood made a concentrated effort to prove my comments on The Show's soundtrack review as fact, I present to you the soundtrack to the suck-ass Warren Beatty film Bulworth. I'm sure every one of my two readers will agree, there is nothing funnier than hearing an old white guy rap, especially if it's at a public forum such as a press conference or congressional dinner. (I see you, Karl Rove. You're on my shit list too.) Even having Halle Berry in your film doesn't merit any sort of praise, since she's a horrible actress that has made maybe two good choices her entire career. (I did like Don Cheadle, though.)

Unlike The Show, however, Bulworth (The Soundtrack) seems to have been executive-produced by people who were actually trying to put together a compilation of brand name artists and unknowns. The problem is in the song choices themselves. Things start off less than decent with Dr. Dre and LL Cool J's unintentionally hilarious "Zoom"; I just realized that Cool James was the last person I ever wanted to hear on a Dr. Dre track. (That's right: Curtis Jackson actually ranks higher on this rhetorical list.) Of course, you can have your two-year-old son bang on the keyboard with a plastic hammer and find the original version of the track online, which featured Snoop Dogg; this was supposed to be their 'reunion' track, but was nixed since Snoop was still under contract to Suge Knight at the time. You can imagine that the chemistry between Dre and Snoop sparkles, while the lack-of between James and Andre Young sticks out like a sore thumb in a bag of middle fingers.

Things don't get much better with "Ghetto Superstar", which was supposed to be Pras (the third wheel from The Fugees) and Mya (whom I've always liked, but not for her music), had it not been for Ol' Dirty Bastard's drunken interruption while wandering into the wrong studio. Pras graciously allowed Dirty a cameo; as such, ODB garnered another radio-friendly hit. This song isn't the worst song in the world, but it's not very good, and does not fit into the rest of the album's sequencing, especially since the focus didn't seem to be Top 40 radio. Canibus trots out a collaboration with Youssou N'Dour, but since it's produced by Wyclef Jean, it's completely worthless. Public Enemy hands us "Kill 'Em Live", which makes you want to reach for their seminal albums instead. Mack 10 and Ice Cube give us "Maniac In The Brainiac", which I'm sure was supposed to be "Maniac AND The Brainiac"; either way, I'm sure that neither artist lists this song on their respective resumes. And every single song with an unknown artist fails; of course, you shouldn't expect much from rappers with names like 'Nutta Butta' and 'D-Fyne', but Eve (from Aftermath/Ruff Ryders/Aftermath/whatever fucking label she's on now) falters on her official debut, "Eve Of Destruction"; and the Black Eyed Peas, before the white chick and commercial fame, loan out their album track "Joints & Jam", which sucks. (In fact, all of the Black Eyed Peas songs are fucking awful, and I believed that even before Fergie joined the group. But that rant has nothing to do with Bulworth, so I'll end it here.) Cappadonna (famous for the previous post, in which I eviscerated his solo album) even loans out his "Run", which still sucks, even when placed on a different album.

Bulworth has some medium points, but they're not reason enough to add this album to your 'must buy' list. Southern rapper Witchdoctor included his album track "Holiday/12 Scanner", and it was good enough for me to try to track down his debut. The Rza returns to rhyming and producing on "The Chase", which sounds like a spiritual cousin to Cappa's "Run", but better. The crown jewel, which was not hard to find on an album full of bombs, is the DJ Muggs-produced "Bulworth", which is only the title track by a technicality, as none of the rappers featured mention the film at all. In fact, Prodigy, Method Man, KRS-One, and KAM all attack the media, especially music magazines such as The Source. Major kudos for the inclusion of KAM on here, but one song isn't enough to warrant a purchase.

I suppose we should all be thankful for one thing: in early advertisements for this soundtrack, the inclusion of 'Jay Bulworth' was promoted; Jay Bulworth was, of course, Warren Beatty's character in the film, and he was supposed to rhyme over a DJ Muggs instrumental. I'm sure even Warren himself thought the 'old white guy rapping' joke wore thin, and had it removed from the final release. Bulworth (The Soundtrack) is available at the Amazon z-shops (see sidebar for link) starting at one cent. One frickin' penny! There's a reason, people. Avoid this at all costs.

-Max

Cappadonna - The Pillage (March 24, 1998)

Darryl Hill, known to his birth parents as Cappadonna Fitzpatrick, was groomed by the Wu-Tang Clan to be its unofficial tenth member. A memorable appearance on Raekwon's "Ice Cream" and his scene-stealing twelve-hour-long verse on Ghostface Killah's "Winter Warz" had cemented his deal with The Rza's Epic Records imprint, Razor Sharp Records (which was also home to Ghostface at the time). Cappadonna also enjoyed his time in the spotlight as the primary guest star on Wu-Tang Forever, the double-disc group effort. The stars seemed to align for Darryl Hill, and massive record sales were all but guaranteed.

However, The Rza's five-year plan culminated with Wu-Tang Forever, which came out a year prior to The Pillage, Cappa's first solo outing. As should be expected, The Pillage did not contain wall-to-wall Rza production. Also, Cappadonna seemed to have been adopted by only a few of the other Clan members, namely Rae, Ghost, and Method Man; the other members (apparently) could give a fuck about him. You will notice later in the review that Ol' Dirty Bastard, Gza/Genius, Masta Killa, and Inspectah Deck are nowhere to be found on The Pillage. Combine these facts with the knowledge that Cappadonna's lyrical prowess seemed to have peaked with "Winter Warz" (his Forever contributions were often forgettable), and you have a Wu-affiliate that falls into the same trap as the rest of them; namely, he wasn't good enough to be on the A-team, and since U-God had already filled the role of weed and baggage handler for the core group, there wasn't much else for him to do.

Although it should be noted that Cappadonna clearly had a much bigger budget to work with than, say, Killah Priest or the Wu-Syndicate. But I digress...

1. SLANG EDITORIAL
Cappa tries to start the show on the right foot, including much-needed kung-fu samples before the first, True Master-produced song kicks in. "Slang Editorial" was also the first single, and it tries too hard to sould like vintage Wu-Tang. It's not awful, but it comes off sounding like a Wu clone, which there were already plenty of in 1998.

2. PILLAGE (FEAT KILLA BAMZ)
Killa Bamz, now better known as Solomon Childs, is in my opinion one of the better Wu-Tang C-teamers.

3. RUN
The Rza had produced two different songs entitled "Run": one for Ghostface Killah (and featuring Jadakiss from The Lox) for The Pretty Toney Album, and this one. They don't share the same beat or anything; my guess is that Ghost realized this song sucked and felt that nobody would notice if he "borrowed" the song title for his far-superior track.

4. BLOOD ON BLOOD WAR (FEAT KILLA BAMZ)
This is the song most people use to pinpoint the exact moment Cappadonna rhymed himself into obscurity. "Old special ed with the plate in my head / Bad bread, spare life / KKK on the mike / Power like thing of state / What!" I'm sorry, but what the fuck does that even mean? That's a rhetorical question, don't bother leaving comments; this just proves that Cappa, even with the Wu support and the bigger budget, had no real skills on the mic, and decided to string random words together like Kool Keith or Sadat X, or even Ghostface himself. The difference being, of course, that they're all better artists than Cappa could even wish to be.

5. SUPA NINJAZ (FEAT U-GOD & METHOD MAN)
This song features, by no small margin, the motherfucking best verse U-God has ever recorded. Seriously. I don't know if U-God had a fantastic encounter with some groupie the night before, or if he was just in a good mood because The Rza hadn't smacked him with a rolled-up newspaper for not dipping his blunts in honey again, but U-God brought it on "Supa Ninjaz". Of course, Method Man out-raps him anyway, but since I mention repeatedly how much U-God sucks as a rapper, I felt it only fair to mention when he's actually great. Oh, and Cappa's on here, too.

6. MCF
The Rza gave Cappa five beats, all of which may have been better handled by, oh, let's just say, Inspectah Deck. I mention Deck since he was supposedly the next one from the Clan to put out a solo debut, but for some reason, Rza fucked him over to give the buying public this plastic frisbee otherwise known as The Pillage. Cappa sounds like he's just freestyling in the booth, forcing phrases and ideas together as if trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole. And he sound slike this on every goddamn song. Sigh...

7. SPLISH SPLASH
Oh, come on! Just by reading the title alone, you know this song's going to suck.

8. OH-DONNA (FEAT GHOSTFACE KILLAH)
Tony Starks murders Cappa on his own shit. Which you should have expected; he is Ghostface Killah, after all.

9. MILK THE COW (FEAT METHOD MAN)
Every beat on The Pillage is mixed down just enough to give a hint of grimy Wu-Tang flavor. However, I couldn't imagine any other Wu member rhyming on this instrumental. (Meth sticks with hook duties on here.)

10. SOUTH OF THE BORDER
The beat, produced by True Master, is intriguing, but it's just not enough for me. The Pillage may sound great as an instrumental album. (Ultimate Wu plug!)

11. CHECK FOR A N---A
Did Cappa just say that he "fuck(s) crazy vagina"? Wow, that was unnecessary. Just like The Pillage in general. Not to show my cards before you finish reading this review, but...

12. DART THROWING (FEAT RAEKWON & METHOD MAN)
Johnny Blaze rips his second Pillage verse, and Raekwon brings out the Cuban Linx steez. Cappadonna, in comparison, brings his Fisher Price My First Timberlands out and sticks around for only about 16 bars (if that; I got so bored that I lost count).

13. YOUNG HEARTS (FEAT BLUE RASPBERRY)
A good marketing trick many companies use tis to affix a brand name that most people recognize onto a new product, in an effort to bring in new customers. As if the Wu-Tang logo wasn't enough, Cappa brings Wu songstress Blue Raspberry out of seclusion, but that doesn't help this horrible song.

14. EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING (FEAT RHYME RECCA)
Meh.

15. PUMP YOUR FIST (FEAT TEKITHA & KILLA BAMZ)
Actually, this song features the best Rza track on The Pillage. Solomon Childs sounds great on here; almost makes me hope that he somehow obtains Rza tracks for his eventual solo effort. Tekitha, however, sounds awkward as a rapper, just like she did on the Bobby Digital project. Oh, and Cappa's on here, too, with his "vanglorious darts", which must be his way of saying "shitty rhyme flow".

16. BLACK BOY (FEAT TEKITHA)
Why bother? It's not worth your time to hear this one anyway.

FINAL THOUGHTS: The Pillage is the hip hop equivalent of Evan Almighty: a spinoff project from a top-selling group where, even though a lot of the original talent returns to help, can't quite recreate the magic of the original. However, Darryl Hill is no Steve Carrell; Carrell will take his considerable talents into other projects and succeed, as Evan Almighty was just a misstep. Cappa, on the other hand, has just single handedly proven to me that he never deserved a solo record deal (he actually sounds better where he is now, as a sometimes-member of Ghostface's Theodore Unit), and should never have been considered as the tenth member of the Clan. Of course, allegations of bringing in an FBI informant under false pretenses into the Wu's employ wouls lead to Cappa being kicked out and being forced to drive a gypsy cab around New York as The Rza fucked him out of royalty payments anyway, but that's all backstory for another time.

BUY OR BURN? The Pillage is not worthy of your purchase. There are a handful of decent songs here, but they all feature other rappers outshining the main attraction. A burn is recommended, with caution, as the majority of this album sucks; at least, if you like both beats and rhymes, or music in general. If you hate rap music, you make find this album tolerable.

BEST TRACKS: "Supa Ninjaz"; "Dart Throwing"; "Oh-Donna"

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
Wu-Tang Clan - Wu-Tang Forever
Ghostface Killah - Ironman
Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...
Method Man - Tical 2000: Judgement Day

Drink Coasters: The Show (The Soundtrack) (August 15, 1995)

The musical genre known as hip hop has never really garnered the full attention it deserved from Hollywood. True, there have been many films that use the lifestyle as a jump-off point to delve into other subjects, but the majority of movies and TV shows out there use and abuse hip hop to meet whatever the needs of the story may be. Not all rappers are prison-bound ex-gang members looking for a way out of that life, okay, Hollywood? Conversely, not every rapper is a closet poet with something important to say; this is evident when you listen to the radio for more than three minutes at at time.

In an attempt to show the world the true faces of hip hop culture, Russell Simmons gave us the documentary The Show, which featured damn near every mainstream rap artist in 1995. The film was not much of a box office success (unless you're Michael Moore, nobody will actually pay to see your documentary in a theater), but the accompanying soundtrack sold like hotcakes at a clearance sale. The Show (The Soundtrack) was released by arguably the number one hip hop label at the time, Def Jam, and showcased a number of rappers and rap groups that supposedly defined 1995.

Well, that's a load of horseshit.

The Show (The Soundtrack) is a bloated, 27-track affair with questionable standards as to who was important in hip hop at the time. I remember taking a glance at the back of the CD case when I saw it in stores, and I was excited by the sheer number of artists prominently featured on songs. Oh My God! Dr. Dre! Snoop! Slick Rick! Domino...okay, I didn't really care much about Domino. ("Ghetto Jam" is still a damn good song, though.) I quickly made my purchase, went home, unwrapped the plastic, and started listening, hoping to get a sense of what the film would be like (at this time, The Show hadn't opened in my city yet). I walked away from this experience knowing that the movie would be a failure.

Why is that, you ask? Well, for starters, the big names, for the most part, only contribute semi-significant quotes from the movie itself. Dr. Dre and Snoop had jack shit to do with this soundtrack. Secondly, the songs that actually exist can, in no possible way, qualify as a definition of 1995. Fucking Onyx, who hadn't had a hit song since "Slam", contributed their shit sandwich "Live!!!", which knocks all of your high expectations out of a sixth-story window. 2Pac's Easy Mo Bee-produced "My Block" fares much better, but then again, I have a soft spot for any Pac song that isn't about fucking Thug Life and all that bullshit. (Tupac Shakur was a classically trained actor, people! He wasn't a fucking thug until Suge brought him into that lifestyle!) The best song on here, "How High", even pissed me off (at first), as it's not the version promised in the video. Method Man and Redman started their very fruitful collaborative relationship with this Erick Sermon-produced semi-masterpiece, which sounds completely different from the video. (I wasn't appeased until I heard Redman's extended final verse, which was cut out of the radio version. Reggie raps the shit out of the track.) A Tribe Called Quest, or mainly Q-Tip, anyway, appears out of nowhere with "Glamour & Glitz", which is also decent.

There isn't anything else on this CD worth a listen. Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony purists will probably rip me a new one in the comments for saying that "Everyday Thang" is a weak throwaway track, but that's exactly what it is. Everything else on this album is Def Jam's blatant attempt to force-feed older Def Jam acts down our collective throats. LL Cool J, who was more of an actor than a rapper in 1995, embarrasses himself with his "Papa Luv It"; Jayo Felony is handed to us twice, on two consecutive songs, neither of which are memorable or even any good. Warren G's gives weed carriers The Dove Shack some shine (on "Summertime In The LBC", which isn't awful but doesn't fit into the sequencing), and even gives himself a song that isn't worth mentioning. Finally, the last real rap song here, "Me And My Bitch (Live From Philly)", finds The Notorious B.I.G. and fucking Sean Combs performing Biggie's song over an overused "Computer Love" sample, to awful effect; is this really the only song from Biggie they could procure? He didn't have any unreleased gems he could contribute? (Before anyone comments, I realize the point of "Me And My Bitch"'s inclusion was to create the effect of going to the live show. My answer to you is this: why that song?)

The Show (The Soundtrack) is a weak cash-in for a musical genre that needs all of the support it can get. (The other major rap documentary at the time, Rhyme & Reason, has a much better soundtrack.) It's not the worst album I've ever heard, but life is short, and your time would be better spent elsewhere.

-Max

Gravediggaz - 6 Feet Deep/N---amortis (August 9, 1994)

Gravediggaz started off as a side project of mastermind Prince Paul. Having just been fucked over by his record label, Paul decided to convert his frustration into a musical format, and invited three of his friends along for the ride: Frukwan, from Paul's first group Stetsasonic; the late Too Poetic, from the Brothers Grym; and, of all people, The Rza, from some little known indie band called the Wu-Tang Clan. For this horrifying journey, the four adopted new monikers, which gave them more options to choose from when making hotel reservations. Frukwan became The Gatekeeper, Poetic turned into the Grym Reaper, Rza switched up to Rzarector (not the most creative change), and Prince Motherfucking Paul gave himself the new name of The Undertaker. Together, the three emcees and their superproducer set out to give some of the most vivid descriptions of frustration, overt ultraviolence, and sadistic satisfaction this side of death metal.

I'm going to take this time to dispel two widespread Gravediggaz rumors.

1. THE FIRST GRAVEDIGGAZ ALBUM, 6 Feet Deep/N---amortis, IS NOT HORRORCORE. The genius of this idea lies in the fact that Rza, Grym, and Frukwan all provide some morbid-ass lyricism, while Paul showcases some of his darkest production ever. The thing is, 6 feet Deep/N---amortis is a concept album, an idea not unfamiliar to Prince Paul fans. The entire CD is a metaphor regarding the four artists' various shortcomings in the music industry. In fact, the only artist that was receiving a steady paycheck at the time of the album's release was The Rza, being the leader of the greatest rap group of all time and all, but even Prince Rakeem got jerked when he was first exposed to the mainstream music audience as some guy who honestly thought a shitty EP featuring his single "Ooh I Love You Rakeem" would actually sell. (You know, The Genius got fucked over by Cold Chillin' around the same time; I wonder why he was never picked to be in this group.) Tracks such as "1-800-Suicide" and "Diary Of A Madman" disguise the true nature of 6 Feet Deep/N---amortis; it was used as a place to vent. And speaking of The Rza...

2. GRAVEDIGGAZ WAS NOT A WU-TANG AFFILIATE GROUP WHEN IT STARTED. Nope, this baby was all Paul's. It was just a coinicidence that The Rza was picked to be part of this group. I know that damn near every one of the Ultimate Wu members will dispute me on this fact, but it's true. You can even check the liner notes. There are only three songs that feature any sort of Rza production work; two of those songs sound like vintage Wu. 6 Feet deep/N---amortis was released less than a year after Enter The Wu-Tang, so there couldn't have been any such thing as a Wu-affiliate at that time. Besides, If this were a true Wu-affiliate project, why would Rza only include future Wu offshoots Killah Priest (Sunz Of Man), Dreddy Krueger (Royal Fam), and Scientific Shabazz (a/k/a Shabazz The Disciple, former member of Sunz Of Man) and not, say, fucking Method Man? Or even Ol Dirty Bastard? Come to think of it, ODB would have sounded fucking brilliant on this LP. No, this entire concept has Paul's DNA all over it, and the inclusion of frequent Paul collaborators Masta Ace, MC Serch, Biz Markie, and even fucking Frukwan cements that.

(Rza actually took over the direction of the Diggaz with their second album, Wu stans, so that album is Wu-affiliated. This one is not. I'm sorry to break it to you.)

N---amortis was actually the original name of the album, but Gee Street (their label) balked at releasing an album with such a visceral title (but I can go down the street and watch I'll Fucking Kill You Motherfucker at the multiplex?), so it was renamed 6 Feet Deep. However, the European release kept the original title and the original tracklisting; folks in the United States missed out on hearing "Pass The Shovel". Good thing the Interweb is around, eh? 6 Feet Deep/N---amortis is considered to be a horrorcore classic, mainly by people who pay absolutely no fucking attention to the lyrics. If you're looking for horrorcore, I'm pretty sure one of the guys from the Flatlinerz served my breakfast at IHOP this morning. If you're looking for an album with an extremely dark sense of humor (and a strong sense of purpose), then you should probably give this album a look see.

1. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER (INTRO)

Yes, a rap album intro, but it lasts only nine seconds, so if I can deal, so can you.

2. CONSTANT ELEVATION

A running theme throughout this CD, The Rza is outshined by Frukwan and Poetic (except for one track, "Diary Of A Madman"). Grym and the Gatekeeper handle the bulk of the lyrical content here, and they both sound excellent here.

3. NOWHERE TO RUN, NOWHERE TO HIDE

The first single I had ever heard by this group. Still sounds great today, even though when I first heard it, I thought it was the Boogiemonsters or Fu-Schnickens or some shit. The Wu fake-out before Rza's second verse is the only real sign you get that there's any sort of Wu influence here.

4. DEFECTIVE TRIP (TRIPPIN') (FEAT BIZ MARKIE & MC SERCH)

An acid trip set to music? I didn't think it was possible, and this song doesn't quite accomplish it, but it still sounds very good, and is still one of my favorite songs here. Some of Paul's best production work ever.

5. 2 CUPS OF BLOOD

A short back-and-forth between Rza and Poetic (R.I.P.). Rza sounds good, but he sounded even better on the early Wu-Tang projects.

6. BLOOD BROTHERS

I never really cared for this song.

7. 360 QUESTIONS

A strange take on the skit, which Prince Paul perfected anyway, so this shouldn't be a surprise. Who did kill Tommy's Boy?

8. 1-800 SUICIDE

Six million ways to die. Choose one. Over a smoothed-out beat like this one, you may have to listen two or three times before you realize how fucked up the subject matter is.

9. DIARY OF A MADMAN (FEAT SCIENTIFIC SHABAZZ & KILLAH PRIEST)

The best song here, and I'm sure this is most people's favorite as well. Rza and RNS (the little-known Wu affiliate) bring us an incredible beat (which uses a discarded instrumental from the Wu-Tang demo. Download the demo (try Ultimate Wu (plug!)) and listen to "Enter The Wu-Tang", and you'll see what I mean) for the Diggaz and company to just get wild over. This song is the only marriage you will ever see of Wu-Tang beats and Prince Paul's skit-tastic genius, and the world is better for it; there's no way you can top this song. And if you don't believe me, I'll chew off my fucking arm and make my escape.

10. MOMMY, WHAT'S A GRAVEDIGGA?

This was expanded to a full song on one of the 12 inch singles; this version is about as short as a skit would be. Either way, I'd skip this one.

11. BANG YOUR HEAD

A goofy attempt for the Diggaz to rap over some rock beats. Very meh.

12. HERE COME THE GRAVEDIGGAZ
Now that's more like it, dammit!

13. GRAVEYARD CHAMBER (FEAT SCIENTIFIC SHABAZZ, KILLAH PRIEST, & DREDDY KRUEGER)

The mere fact that the word 'chamber' appears in the title should alert you to the Wu influence presented here. This song was produced solely by The Rza, and is one of the best non-Wu Wu-Tang songs ever made. This shit knocks, and Dreddy Krueger's verse still sounds good today. Too bad he doesn't really rhyme anymore.

14. DEATHTRAP (FEAT MASTA ACE)

Masta Ace introduces yet another song that uses the "Seven Minutes Of Funk" sample, most recently popularized by Shawn Carter's "Ain't No N---a". Kind of an obvious song choice to use, isn't it, Paul?

15. 6 FEET DEEP

The third Rza production, and it does NOT sound like a Wu-Tang song. This is a great thing; it shows the diversity fo Robert Diggs. I never really liked this song before, but today I can appreciate it, even though the hook sucks.

16. REST IN PEACE (OUTRO)

Just your average rap album outro, although given a Prince Paul twist, so it actually sounds good. Kinda makes you sad that the CD is over.

As mentioned above, the European release, N---amortis, features a different song for track nine, "Pass The Shovel". The rest of the tracks are shifted down accordingly.

PASS THE SHOVEL

A decent song that should have been included for the American audience. Luckily, you can easily find this one anywhere on the internet. Literally anywhere. I found it on Ain't It Cool News once.

FINAL THOUGHTS: 6 Feet Deep/N---amortis is the second finest side project Paul Huston has ever been a part of (the first being Handsome Boy Modeling School. Stetsasonic and De La Soul do not count as side projects). This album has its hiccups, but overall it's worth your time, as long as you listen to it with an open mind and a healthy sense of humor, since a lot of this is pretty fucking funny. Poetic and Frukwan show a lot or potential, and the album isn't without socially conscious moments; it's just that they're few and far between. It's too bad that Rza took over the group and later abandoned it completely, leaving Grym and Frukwan to keep the name alive while Paul moved to greener pastures and Rakeem started scoring major motion pictures like...um...Derailed. Yeah, I didn't see it either.

BUY OR BURN? I would recommend that you buy this shit. Prince Paul fans who weren't aware that this was all Paul's idea should snatch it up immediately. Wu stans (like myself) probably thought this was a Wu project all along, so they probably already own it, but if you don't, go get this shit without hesitation. Rza's fans are still longing for his old vocal sound; 6 Feet Deep is where you can get your fix.

BEST TRACKS: "Diary Of A Madman"; "Graveyard Chamber"; "1-800-Suicide"; "Defective Trip (Trippin')"

(Disagree with the above review? Do you know how many bites it takes to chew your fucking arm off? Leave some goddamn comments below! Make your opinions known!)

-Max

RELATED POSTS:

Rza - Rza as Bobby Digital In Stereo

Prince Paul - Psychoanalysis (What Is It?)

Wu-Tang Clan - Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

THE TEASER:

Mobb Deep - Murda Muzik (August 17, 1999)

Queensbridge rappers in residence/fair housing advocates Havoc and Prodigy, better known by their birth names of Mobb and Deep, were coming off of two classic albums, and were ready to give the streets more of the same. However, just like Nas's I Am, the bootleggers were out in full force to fuck everything up.

Murda Muzik, their fourth full-length (and their third for the used-to-be-mighty Loud records), had the shit bootlegged out of it. The ironic part is that the bootlegged version actually garnered some pretty decent reviews. However, why would anyone purchase a legitimate copy of your album when they can pay three bucks for a CD-R from the guy on the corner? Havoc and Prodigy, sensing a way to make more of a profit, rushed several new tracks onto the official pressing, making the official Murda Muzik different enough to justify fans spending even more money.

The key word in that last sentence is rushed.

1. INTRO

The Infamous duo have resorted to using a rap album intro. This is not a good sign.

2. STREETS RAISED ME (FEAT BIG NOYD & CHINKY)

This beat is not what you would expect from the guys who brought you The Infamous and Hell On Earth. This is a horrible way to introduce your album.

3. WHAT'S YA POISON (FEAT CORMEGA)
For those of you who were lucky enough to hear the original bootlegged version of Murda Muzik, this song was originally called "Deer Park". This is closer to what I was expecting. Cormega is decent, but Havoc steals the show. Oh, and Prodigy is on here, too.

4. SPREAD LOVE
It's almost as if Havoc used up all of his good beats on the last two albums, and used his MTV Music Generator to whip up some awful shit. And Prodigy's lyrics on this album are just fucking lazy. It's obvious that P reached his lyrical peak with Hell On Earth. Too bad there's like seventy more Mobb Deep albums in their goddamn catalog.

5. LET A HO BE A HO
From the Nicolas Cage film of the same name.

6. I'M GOING OUT (FEAT LIL' CEASE)
One of the "rushed" tracks. I find it hard to believe that the Mobb would want to work with Junior M.A.F.I.A. cohorts Lil' Cease and Lil' Kim (you'll see her later) under normal circumstances. But then again, Havoc worked with Foxy Brown on her debut, so what do I know.

7. ALLUSTRIOUS
As a writer, I get pretty ticked off when words are blatantly misspelled with no cause or explanation. (You may conclude that hip hop isn't really the best fit for me then, but you'd be dead wrong.) Anyway, this song isn't even worth a mention otherwise, so I decided to complain about the spelling error in order to fill space. And now I'm done.

8. ADRENALINE
I can understand the complaints about this album. How many different ways can you rhyme about life in QB, hustling, killing, and sleeping around occasionally? Apparently, not many. Artistic growth has escaped the Mobb as of Murda Muzik.

9. WHERE YA FROM (FEAT 8-BALL)
This is an awkward collaboration between Houston (by way of Memphis) and New York. The beat is from (what it seems from the liner notes) an in-house Suave House producer, which was the label 8-Ball (and partner MJG) was signed to at the time. As such, 8-Ball sounds much more comfortable here than either Havoc or the newly lyrically handicapped Prodigy. And in the liner notes his name is listed as 8-Ball; I thought it was 'Eightball'?

10. QUIET STORM
Witness the slow, painful death of Prodigy's lyrical prowess on this track. This song is arguably the only opportunity P gets to paint his vivid pictures, so I'm led to believe he recorded this during the Hell On Earth sessions. Havoc's masterful sampling of "White Lines" proves that you can actually use elements of a song when creating a new composition, as opposed to the Puff Daddy/Trackmasters schools of sampling.

11. WHERE YA HEART AT
I understand that expectations were probably through the roof upon this album's release, but the inconsistency in the Mobb catalog is going to make me punch a hole through a wall in frustration. And yes, I get the sentiment of the song, but it's been done before, and it's been done better.

12. NOYD INTERLUDE
Wow, this was fucking pointless.

13. CAN'T FUCK WIT (FEAT RAEKWON)
Sure, Hav and P sound out of place over an awful double-time bounce beat, but I feel sorry for the Chef. I picture that he had previously agreed to appear on the revamped Murda Muzik and was shocked to hear the beat when he arrived at the studio, but since the check had already cleared...

14. THUG MUZIK (FEAT INFAMOUS MOBB & CHINKY)
The fruitful relationship between Mobb Deep and production maestro The Alchemist officially started on this album. This beat is the best one presented on the entire fucking album. The lyrics, of course, suck, but the Mobb weed carriers are featured guests, so you shouldn't expect much.

15. MURDA MUZIK
I'm tired of writing that the beats are weak and the lyrics are uninspired. So, if I write "...", just assume the worst.

16. THE REALEST (FEAT KOOL G RAP)
Kool G Rap gets all of my accolades here. As for Hav and P's lyrics and Al's beat: ...

17. U.S.A. (AIIGHT THEN)
Hav and P give us a song that sounds like they want to party. A precursor to their eventual crossover attempts, both with and without Curtis Jackson? Perhaps. Not horrible, but shouldn't these guys be out robbing people instead of dancing at the club?

18. IT'S MINE (FEAT NAS)
The theme from Scarface is all over this song. Seems like Havoc didn't learn from his own sample lessons (see "Quiet Storm"). I think this song was the second single; while it's hilarious to hear Nasir Jones interpolate Brandy and Monica's "The Boy Is Mine", it's also really fucking sad.

19. QUIET STORM (REMIX) (FEAT LIL' KIM)
Incredibly unnecessary remix. At least they gave us new lyrics, but there's no topping the original version. By "original", I, of course, mean "White Lines". Or even fucking Liquid Liquid's "Cavern". If anyone actually gets that reference, please leave a comment below.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Murda Muzik is another one of those albums that the artists were forced to deviate from their original vision, all because some bootleggers (on the Interweb and otherwise) wanted to make a quick buck. Well, I've heard the original version, and I gotta tell you: it's so much better than this shit. The tracks are sequenced better, flow a lot more smoothly, and it even features one of my all-time favorite Mobb Deep non-album tracks, "Thrill Me", featuring Big Noyd. The retail version is fucking weak. Havoc, possibly in an effort to diversify his sound, ended up polishing the beats to the point that they fucking sparkle when light reflects off of them. As for P? I didn't know that it was possible for one man to fall from grace in the short timespan between albums, but here's proof, all on a plastic disc.

BUY OR BURN? You don't want to buy this. Burn it if you must, but then you'll realize that the Mobb have now been relegated to the category of "Artists Who Have Maybe One Or Two Good Songs On Their Albums, But That's All".

BEST TRACKS: "Quiet Storm" (original, not the remix); "Adrenaline"; "What's Ya Poison"

(Agree/disagree with the above review? Leave some comments below! Otherwise, I'll just assume that all two of my readers agree with everything I write!)

-Max

RELATED POSTS:
Mobb Deep - Hell On Earth
Mobb Deep - The Infamous
Mobb Deep - Juvenile Hell
Big Noyd - Episodes Of A Hustla
Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...
Nas - I Am
Nas - It Was Written
Nas - Illmatic
Cormega - The Realness

THE TEASER:

Drink Coasters: Canibus - Can-I-Bus (September 8, 1998)

A wise man who once worked as Debbie Allen's housekeeper once dismissed Germaine Williams (birth name Canibus Jones) as a rapper with a well-known affliction. You see, it seems that ninety-nine percent of his fans didn't exist. And after you listen to Can-I-Bus, his debut release on Universal Records, you will wonder why the remaining one percent hadn't yet defected.

Canibus is probably best known as a battle rapper who hooked up with the wrong crew. The first time I had ever heard him was on his guest appearances on "Beasts From The East" and "My Crew", both taken from the Lost Boyz's Love, Peace, & Nappiness. He sounded great on both tracks (even on "Beasts", where the other guest, one Reggie Noble, rapped circles around everyone), and a promising career was born. I also liked his appearance on that shitty Firm album, too. He was set up to be the next big thing, as all of his guest appearances left the listener wanting more.

However, his career was effectively ended when he was invited to participate on James Todd Smith's Phenomenon, on the infamous "4,3,2,1". Canibus wrote a quick verse about the microphone tattoo Cool James had on his arm, which LL took offense to; he pulled rank and demanded that Canibus rewrite his lyrics. However, James didn't bother changing his own lyrics, which were in retaliation to the young whippersnapper's aborted verse. As such, an otherwise crappy LL Cool J album was suddenly popular, and the LL Cool J/Canibus feud was underway. Normally rap beefs can be entertaining, as long as it's all kept on wax, but young Canibus was handicapped from the get-go by his new found family: Wyclef Jean and company (or, depending on how you see it, Everyone From The Fugees Except For The Talented Chick), the aforementioned "wrong crew".

Can-I-Bus is one of the most horrific debut albums I have ever heard, mainly due to it being such a waste of potential. Canibus is a gifted battle rapper, but not a gifted lyricist; at this point, he still was unable to write a song that was about anything remotely important besides "I'm the best rapper" and "I love my mama", both being overused topics. Clef's production contributions are what hinder young Germaine's progress, though. After the nerdiest rap album intro I have ever heard in the past hour, the first lyrics we hear from the album's star, "I'll make your bitch crew shit stools", sets the tone for what will end up being a very disappointing and altogether shitty listening experience. Free, better known as the co-host from BET's 106 & Park who quit the show, makes her rapping debut on the first song, "Patriots", several years before her TV hosting gig, and she sounds completely out of place. The second song sounds a little better; I will admit to a soft spot for "Get Retarded", but that would be only due to the production work of Salaam Remi (who now works, to much better effect, with Nas), and not because of the rhymes themselves.

A lot of people complain about Germaine's lyrical content, but those people are the type who probably don't like keeping a dictionary on hand whenever they listen to music. Here's something that everyone can understand, though: Can-I-Bus is hampered by Canibus's obsession with LL Cool J. "Second Round K.O.", the first single, features a bizarre cameo by, of all people, convicted rapist Mike Tyson, who instructs young Germaine to "eat, eat, eat MC's", probably starting with the ears. This diss track sounded alright back in 1998, but the fact that it's damn near ten years old (and the fact that Cool James ripped the upstart a new asshole on his "The Ripper Starts Back") makes for an uncomfortable listen in 2007. "N---onometry" also contains a weak jab at Ladies Love, although the song sounds so fucking boring that it would take an act of God for you to listen straight through to the end, where it takes place.

In fact, the only song that I can halfheartedly recommend is "Buckingham Palace", where the beat is kept to a bare minimum while Germaine spits some of his most entertaining boasts , even though the hook sucks. But don't even get me started on the closer, "Rip Rock", where the mere title alone should make you run for the hills.

Can-I-Bus is the worst debut record from an artist who should fucking know better. He's not the best rapper in the world (I don't care if he seems to have a more advanced vocabulary than the average Joe, he's not the best rapper in the world), but the lyrical genius is clearly present. As I have said many times before, without good beats, nobody gives a damn about what the artist has to say. Unfortunately, Canibus doesn't have anything important to say on this CD anyway, so the Ras Kass argument doesn't even apply here. Listen at your own risk.

(Agree/disagree with the above review? Leave some comments below! Don't be shy!)

-Max

The Nonce - World Ultimate (February 28, 1995)

I found this CD in one of my boxes the other day and thought I'd give it a spin. I don't have a lot of information about The Nonce, except for what is in the album booklet and the little info found on the Interweb. The Nonce is a duo made up of Nouka Basetype (now better known as Sach, from the Project Blowed collective) and the late Yusef Afloat, who passed away in 2000. I know that they released at least two singles, "Mix Tapes" and "Bus Stops". I know that World Ultimate was their first full-length album, released on Rick Rubin's American Recordings label, which would seemingly put The Nonce in the good company of the late Johnny Cash.

The Nonce could be considered the West Coast's answer to A Tribe Called Quest. (When I said this to my wife, she told me that she wasn't aware that the East Coast had asked the question.) This is mainly due to the dynamic of the two rappers, whose rhymes do not include references to fucking bitches and/or everyday gunplay. In fact, for a duo from Los Angeles, World Ultimate sounds a lot like a rap album from the East Coast, with tight beats that were uncharacteristic from the Left Coast at the time. World Ultimate proves that not every rapper from Cali had to show and prove over G-Funked instrumentals. As such, it is considered an underground classic, but as we all know, that doesn't mean shit to me.

Before I get into the write-up, I need to dispel an Interweb rumor. There seems to be many questions as to whether Erick Sermon produced any songs on World Ultimate (specifically, "Good To Go"). Looking at the liner notes, I can see how someone would believe this, as an 'E. Sermon' appears as a writer on the song. However, as anyone with even the least possible amount of knowledge of hip hop would notice, a 'P. Smith' is credited right next to 'E. Sermon', as in Parrish Smith, as in Erick Sermon's partner in EPMD. So, all Erick Sermon ever did was write some lyrics that would later be interpolated by The Nonce. Yusef and Nouka produced their entire debut album and should be praised for their consistent sound.

Anyway...

1. ON THE AIR
No rap album intro here (to their credit). A slower, jazzy-type song to introduce the album with. Not bad, but you realize that Nouka and Yusef were never the best rappers.

2. KEEP IT ON
The drums shake the shit out of you on this track. Yusef, who's nasally voice could be compared to a higher-pitched Q-Tip, comes out hard on here. Nouka, who sounds a little bit like Aceyalone, sounds like he's having a good time in the booth, rhyming but knowing that he's not the best there is.

3. BUS STOPS (FEAT ACEYALONE)
The second Nonce song I had heard. I love the beat to this day, and this song still sounds great while driving around aimlessly. I always found it odd that Aceyalone was limited to a goofy interlude within the song, though.

4. THE WEST IS... (FEAT BUTTA B & MEEN GREEN)
A darker track for Nonce & Co. to spit over. This shit sounds goooood.

5. MIX TAPES
If "Bus Stops" is The Nonce's "Electric Relaxation", then "Mix Tapes" has to be their "Award Tour". I'm sure I'm not the only person that has made that comparison. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that Tribe's Midnight Marauders was their favoritest album ever. Of course, this is not a bad thing, since this song still sounds pretty good today.

6. TESTING

An instrumental interlude. It doesn't last very long, so I have no comment.

7. WORLD ULTIMATE

Jazzy production, not unlike Tribe's The Low End Theory. My Tribe comparisons will stop........now.

8. GOOD TO GO

Very souled-out track, with some piano notes that sound like they were lifted from the Wu's "Protect Ya Neck". Don't let that be detrimental to your enjoyment of this song, though.

9. ON THE ROAD AGAIN (FEAT FIGURES OF SPEECH)

Your mandatory "rap song with R&B hook" requirement is meat with this song. For what it is, though, it sounds pretty good.

10. HOODS LIKE TO PLAY

Yusef and Nouka rhyme over a De La Soul sample to passable effect. I'll use this opportunity to bring up the only flaw of World Ultimate: these songs, while great to listen to, aren't very memorable. That would probably be due to Nouka and Yusef's personas as journeyman rappers, the type who loved to rhyme but weren't really caught up with all of the glamour and glitz.

11. J TO THE I

More of the same. Sounds good, etc.

12. EIGHTY FIVE

The vocal echo effect gets very annoying. Probably would have been better off as a shorter interlude or outro.

13. MIX TAPES (1926 SATURDAY NIGHT REMIX)

Unnecessary remix. The original is much much better.

FINAL THOUGHTS: World Ultimate is an enjoyable listen. Nouka Basetype was not that great of a rapper back in 1995 (I haven't heard his later output, so for all I know he got much better), and Yusef's voice is a pleasant contrast to every beat presented here. I wouldn't say that this album is a classic, since that word is thrown out as often as last night's garbage, but World Ultimate is worth your eartime. However, don't be surprised if you can't remember any of the songs an hour later.

BUY OR BURN? I read a review for World Ultimate where the writer admitted that he still bumps the shit out of his promo copy, since the real thing is so rare that he's afraid to open it up. I checked my copy, and realized that I, too, have a promotional version. I guess that proves that World Ultimate is super fucking rare. I bought my promo from Half.com, and maybe there's someone else who's willing to part with their copy. I would recommend a purchase if you can find it.

BEST TRACKS: "Bus Stops"; "The West Is..."; "Mix Tapes"; "Keep It On"

(Agree/disagree with the above review? Leave some comments below! Make your opinions known!)

-Max

THE TEASER:

Dr. Octagon - Dr. Octagonecologyst (May 6, 1996)

I came aboard the Kool Keith bandwagon late. I'll admit, I had never heard any songs by any of the Ultramagnetic MC's until after 1997, which was when I bought Dr. Octagonecologyst, the joint effort by Kool Keith, Dan "The Automator" Nakamura, and DJ Q-Bert. (Keith's frequent collaborator Kutmasta Kurt produces two tracks as well.) I first read about this project in the pages of The Source, where they had just given this album a three-and-a-half mic review, even though the only negative I remember reading about was the beat to "I'm Destructive".

As I'm sure most Source readers did at the time, I dismissed the review, since I had no clue who Keith Thornton was. Later, in 1997, my brother and I were watching Yo!! MTV Raps! late at night (this was around the time that MTV was trying to phase the show out, so it was played only late Friday nights at this point.) They played the video for "Blue Flowers", which I remember to be some truly trippy shit, and my brother and I were enthralled. No other hip hop had ever sounded like this. Sure, the lyrics were borderline ridiculous, a trait which would carry on over to every single Kool keith album ever made, but they were delivered with an unnerving cockiness that was amazing to hear. The beats, which I later found to be The Automator's handiwork, are still among the best hip hop instrumentals ever made by a man who doesn't really make hip hop tracks. (The beats are so good that I also picked up Instrumentalyst, the instrumental companion to Dr. Octagonecologyst; they make for good background music to write to.) Q-Bert's expert scratching throughout (especially on "Bear Witness") was the cherry atop an already-crowded sonic sundae. Which, I suppose, would make the other guests (Kutmasta Kurt, Sir Menelik a/k/a Cyclops 4000, and DJ Shadow) the plastic cup, the spoon, and the sanitary napkin, respectively.

Dr. Octagonecologyst is the product of Keith's defection from New York to the West Coast, thereby filling my quote of West Coast albums for the month. (Kidding!) It was first distributed by Bulk Recordings, an indie label, in 1996; after its semi-popularity on college radio, Dreamworks Records re-released an altered version, deleting some tracks and adding others. Yes, kids, that's right; Steven Spielberg had something to do with releasing Dr. Octagon to the masses. Cue triumphant string section here. The version I picked up in 1997 (on my birthday, no less) is the Dreamworks version, but thanks to the magic of the Internet, I found the deleted tracks, too.

Dr. Octagonecologyst frequently pops up these days on music magazine lists of "Best Albums Ever" and "Motherfucker, You Better Listen To This Shit Before I Kill You" (from Entertainment Weekly). I've read some articles about the underground conspiracy that works in favor of Dr. Octagon; if you like underground hip hop, you have to like Dr. Octagon, or else you don't truly like underground hip hop. I'm here to tell you that is some complete bullshit. You don't have to like a fucking thing if you don't want to. Some of my readers love Wu-Tang and will find this album to be pure crap. Others like the more mainstream reviews I provide (Jay-Z, Nas, etc.), but may actually like Dr. Octagonecologyst, too. Don't let any of the so-called backpackers try to force you into loving this album if you don't like it. That's called peer pressure, and I'm the only guy allowed to force you to like something.

However, don't be a douchebag and hate Dr. Octagon without having ever heard it. That would just make you an asshole.

1. INTRO

Fuck all of those other rap albums with those fake groupie sex skits; Dan Nakumura samples real porn! Does that fact alone make this the best rap album intro I've ever heard? No, but it's up there.

2. 3000

Dr. Octagonecologyst falls into the category of "acid rap", probably due simply to the album's fantastic cover art, provided by Pushead. Don't buy into that bullshit label; Dr. Octagon is simply your average hip hop album about a time-traveling alien gynecologist, whose hobbies include sex and mating between species. Just like that Bobby Digital album.

3. I GOT TO TELL YOU

Skit, over Pachabel's "Canon In D". I shit you not, my wife and I played this song during our wedding ceremony. The instrumental, of course, not this version; I wanted my wife to stick around.

4. EARTH PEOPLE

I wasn't joking about that 'alien' comment.

5. NO AWARENESS (FEAT SIR MENELIK)

I've always wondered what Sir Menelik/Cyclops 4000/Scaramanga Did to piss off Keith, since he was effectively replaced as sidekick/weed carrier by the arguably-better-rapper Motion Man.

6. REAL RAW

As I write this, Kanye West is performing with The Police for that Live Earth telecast thing. That contrived collabo sounds better than this song.

7. GENERAL HOSPITAL

Contains one of the best lines I've ever heard in a hip hop skit: "Oh shit, there's a horse in the hospital". I don't think I can come up with a funny comment that would be more amusing than reading that quote out loud.

8. BLUE FLOWERS

As I mentioned above, the very first Kool Keith song I had ever heard. I'd like to think that I got caught up relatively quickly. This beat still sounds amazing today.

9. TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

The first Kutmasta song, and it sounds great. The Spanish actually sounds trippy on here, which is a great feat, since Dr. Octagon is from Jupiter and all.

10. A VISIT TO THE GYNECOLOGIST

Great beat for an otherwise creepy-as-shit skit, probably also drawn from a porno. No horses in the hospital here, but your female nurse may be packing a bit more than her bra. Here's a hint: it's a dick. What do you mean, I gave it away?

11. BEAR WITNESS

The DJ mix track, not unlike "Holy Calamity" from The Automator's Handsome Boy Modeling School album So...How's Your Girl? Although I should add that the subtitle of "Holy Calamity" is "Bear Witness II", so of fucking course it would sound like "Bear Witness". Anyway, it's some good stuff.

12. DR. OCTAGON

I never cared much for this song, the other Kutmasta Kurt contribution. He would steer Keith toward greener pastures with their Dr. Dooom CD, though, so don't feel too bad for him.

13. GIRL LET ME TOUCH YOU

One of my favorite songs on this CD. Kool Keith at his most tender and sweet, offering to open his new female acquaintance's eyes to new, varied sexual positions, all on a smoothed-out R&B tip, by way of Bellvue.

14. I'M DESTRUCTIVE

The Source complained about this track, calling the beat "jungle music" (just because it was conceived in the back of a Chevrolet Jungle, I assume), and dismissing it completely. I disagree; this is one of my favorite beats on the album, and the vocal sample of an interview from I don't know where (but was also sampled in Richard Linklater's film Slacker) is creepy as shit. Side note; get Instrumentalyst and listen to this song; without Keith Thornton's lyrics to get in the way, Automator lays the entire interview over this beat, making for an even more nightmareish experience.)

15. WILD AND CRAZY

Possibly the most hip-hop track presented on the album. Still pretty good, though, and the breakbeat is appreciated.

16. ELECTIVE SURGERY

Dr. Octagon is a pretty shitty surgeon. That's the conclusion I draw from this skit.

17. HALFSHARKALLIGATORHALFMAN

Dr. Octagon soon became Keith's most popular alias, and, as most artists would do when presented with sudden success, he promptly killed him off on his Dr. Dooom side project. (For now, we'll pretend that The Return Of Dr. Octagon doesn't exist.) On this track, which is silly as hell but sounds very good, Keith introduces yet another moniker, Mr. Gerbik, who has my vote for "Alias Kool Keith Should Adopt Should Keith And The Automator Settle Their Differences And Work Together Again".

18. BLUE FLOWERS REVISTED

For anyone who was enough of a collector to pick up "Blue Flowers" on vinyl, there is a track called the "Stop Confusing Me" mix, also produced by The Automator, that is damn near exactly like this song, except the vocal sample repeating "Stop confusing me!" has been removed, as has a brief segment of the song itself. Otherwise, I love this song more than the original, which is a pretty damn good song in its own right.

19. WAITING LIST (DJ SHADOW/AUTOMATOR MIX)

As I had heard this track before I bought DJ Shadow's Endtroducing..., I was expecting more of the same. While his album sounds nothing like his production efforts on this song, don't let that deter you; this song knocks.

20. 1977

Compared with the sound of the rest of the album, very meh.

As I mentioned above, I picked up the Dreamworks reissue. The original, distributed by Bulk Recordings, included some different tracks after the "Elective Surgery" skit. (The listing below starts at number16, as "Elective Surgery" was track 15 on the original pressing; "Real Raw" was not included on the first pressing, nor was almost everything following "Elective Surgery".)

16. ON PRODUCTION (FEAT SIR MENELIK)

Actually very boring. It's probably a good thing that it got cut from the re-release. I don't even think Keith appears on this track.

17. BIOLOGY 101 (FEAT SIR MENELIK?)

I assume that the guest emcee is Sir Menelik; however, I don't know for sure. Writing credits online seem to confirm this fact, though. This is the type of rap song that makes your head hurt, not because of its blatant ignorance, but because the rappers are constantly trying to prove that they're smarter than you are. All I can say is, I'm a writer/filmmaker, not a biologist, and that was by choice.

18. EARTH PEOPLE (EARTH PLANET MIX)

Meh.

19. WAITING LIST (DJ SHADOW/AUTOMATOR MIX)

This is actually the same song that appears on my version, but there is a hidden track that appears after the song is over: there is a sample from the film Cabin Boy (showing that the Automator had a soft spot for Chris Elliot well before the Handsome Boy Modeling School project), leading into "halfsharkalligatorhalfman", which is included as a regular track on the reissue.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Dr. Octagonecologyst is one of my favorite hip hop albums of all time, spawning my obsession for all things Automator and Kool Keith, the Keith love being the one that has subsided with time. (Hey, most of Keith's output these days sucks balls, and Dan Nakamura doesn't release enough music these days for me to break a sweat pulling my wallet out.) It's an unsettling listen, though, and it's nowhere near as brilliant as Rolling Stone and Spin would have you believe. If you're looking for a solid, beat-driven album that's off the beaten path, Dr. Octagon is the extraterrestial gynecologist to hit up.

BUY OR BURN? This is a tough one. This is probably the most mainstream underground rap album of all time, and I realize that I just contradicted myself; please, I don't need that now. Curious listeners should give this a buy, though; there's a little something for everyone, even if you hate hip hop but love porn.

BEST TRACKS: "Blue Flowers Revisited"; "Girl Let Me Touch You"; "I'm Destructive"; "Waiting List"

(Disagree with the above review? Leave a comment below! Don't be shy!)

-Max

RELATED POSTS:

The Automator - A Better Tomorrow

Various Artists - Soundbombing

THE TEASER: